The Sweaty Crack: Hot Yoga Part Deux



Sri K. Pattabhi Jois

 I headed back to Akasha Yoga studio in Vacaville for what I thought was going to be another intense yet relaxing hot hatha class.  To my surprise, within 10 minutes, I was panting and having a vivid flashback memory of my chubby thighs rubbing against each other while Paul Simon blasted during Mr. Chiesa's 5th grade gym class.

This wasn't Hot Hatha.  This was Power Yoga.

Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga (aka Power Yoga.  aka Turbo Yoga  aka Kick-Your-Ass Yoga) was apparently established in 1948 by Sri K. Pattabhi Jois, according my guru of viral info, Wikipedia.  It's a combination of Hatha (alignment of poses), Vinyasa (flowing sun salutations) and Ashtanga.  There are sets of poses but the main difference is this type of yoga is pretty much a cardio workout session; whereas other forms of yoga are more muscle-building and toning exercises.

What makes it cardio

1. There's a quick transition between each pose.
   

   

   Downward Dog.

2. Many of the poses involve various inversions. 

As my brother's girlfriend wisely stated, "Downward dog is your home-base."   Many positions involve a variation of downward dog and having your body in that sort of position requires your heart to pump harder.  Arms up in the air = Also requires your heart to pump harder.  That's why you never see marathon runners swinging their arms above their heads.  They keep it low because they're going for endurance.

Anyway, it took me a while to get into this yoga class because the beautifully tall, slender instructor (back tattoo and all) had that typical California-way of speaking in which everything sounds like a question.  I suddenly felt like I was in some crappy Rom-Com flick staring Katherine Heigle and I was playing the "sarcastic, jaded, single" BFF.  To top it all, did I mention, I didn't bring my yoga gear so I had to stop by Forever 21 and try to find the least offensive yet practical clothes?  Had no idea finding something that actually fits would be my greatest challenge.  I ended up purchasing biker shorts with lace (yeah, a la Madonna) and a hot neon-pink sports bra that could definitely pass for a training bra if it didn't have paddings that resembled perked nipples.  Here I note that these were not my first, second or third choices.  These ridiculous excuse of yoga-wear were the only things that fit.  I was so tempted to put my hair in a side-ponytail and sport some Reebok high-tops just to finish the look.

Side note: Forever 21 is just as it states -- No one above 21, especially 30-year olds with a booty, should be shopping there. 

I digress.  After about 30 minutes in Power Yoga, I got into it.  It got my heart pumping and was geared towards the side-saddles, hips, butt and thighs.  Overall, it was a great class but I think when it comes to Ashtanga Vinyasa, this is one type of yoga I think I would benefit more from in a "normal" temperature. 

Being in a 110 F degree room, flipping around and getting my cardio kick made me woozy and dizzy.  Clearly, being in a hot temperate room is going to make you sweat a helluva lot more but I think the cardio workout would be far more beneficial if you could push the cardio aspect of it in a regular room temperature.  The heat makes the cardio workouts limited because you can't push your body too far before blacking out.

That weekend, I also went back to Davis Bikram and was pleasantly surprised to find the bitchy receptionist greet us.  She was also the instructor for our class.  Joy!  Surprisingly, I could tolerate her teaching style more so than her reception skills. 

The class didn't start with a mellow energy.  A certain "someone" refused to adjust his mat for a new student and rather than quietly and verbally explaining why he was being a dick -- This certain "someone" just kept saying, "Seriously?" in a huffy-puffy manner.  There's something ridiculous about a grown-man in his 50's acting like an 11-year old spoiled brat. 

I've been thinking a lot about this weird energy/vibe in the Bikram studios I've entered.  I can't figure it out if it's the studios itself or if it's something to do with Bikram. 

Typically, when you walk into a yoga studio, the lights are dimmed; people are sitting still or meditating; incense is burning; and soft relaxing hippie-like music is playing in the background.  People are here to chill out. 

There's also an unwritten code: Don't be an asshole.  Be nice.  Be kind.  It ain't that deep.



Bikram studio practicing breathing.

Bikram studios are vastly different.  First, those ugly fluorescent light which I swear, affect human-beings the same way it affects caged animals in some third-tier broken-down zoo.  Second, everyone seems to be so concerned with other people rather than themselves.  You walk into the room and all eyes are you and it's not a 'hey there, friend' kinda stare... It's a 'you don't belong here, fatty' kinda glare.  Okay, that may be a bit extreme but it seriously feels like everyone's sizing you up. 

 Personally, I don't go to yoga or to the gym to stare at other people.  I could careless.  I don't even notice the people who can contort their bodies into pretzels.  Again, I could careless.  I'm here for me.   

I don't want to start a bitch-fest about Bikram so I'm going to do a quick Pros and Cons list because I'm anal like that:

PROS

1. 26 postures.  Once you get the hang of these postures, I do like the fact that they're always the same so there's a measurement of how you're progressing.
2. Spine.  Undeniably, Bikram is AMAZING for the back.  All these postures lengthens and thereby strengthens the spine.  I imagine this is fantastic for people with sciatica.
3. Endocrine System.  My favorite system that I know very little about.  The endocrine (hormones, lymph, nodes) is a body system for whatever reason Western medicine doesn't particularly pay a lot of attention.  It's not the sexy system.  Whereas the Central Nervous System is based on quick, rapid responses, the Endocrine System survives on slow (very slow) responses.  It naturally takes a lot longer to regain the balance in the endocrine system simply because of how it functions.




My current fav pose: Warrior 3


4. Meditative.  With the right mind-set I did find Bikram meditative in a vastly different way.  I find myself "letting things go" with other forms of yoga.  Bikram, on the other hand, I found my mind "quiet" simply by focusing on each posture and pushing my body further.  I was strangely, more present and in the moment in Bikram than in any other type of yoga.
5. Heat.  The intense heat is something I enjoy.  It eases my joints and there's something really satisfying about sweating buckets.  It's true what die-hard Bikramnites say: you sleep much better and you're less inclined to eat crappy food because you're not really craving it that day.

CONS

1. Hierarchy.  There seems to be a real hierarchy in the class between the students and between the instructor and the students.  The instructor rarely introduces him/herself and if he/she does, it's at the end.  As I get older, I find myself becoming far more uptight about social etiquette and goddammit, I want to know your name.
2. Posers.  In Bikram, the instructor rarely demonstrates the poses.  Hm, as I mentioned in my last post, there's something I don't like about this.  It sets the students apart from the teacher.  I went to one Bikram class where the teacher actually stood on a platform and wore Madonna headphones throughout the entire class.  I love the concept of teachers and students in our lives but it's really hard for me to take orders from someone when I have no idea what they're capable of doing.  It's total blind faith and being from NYC, I want proof.




Intention.


3. Intention.  Giving daily gratitude is something I've been practicing ever since I've come home from traveling.  Yoga gives me a set time to give gratitude and think about things I am truly grateful for having in my life.  In the Power Yoga class, the instructor asked us to take a moment to dedicate this practice to someone we love or someone we hate and who may need more yoga in their lives.  Hilarious!  I never thought of dedicating a practice to someone I couldn't stand.  To be honest, I never thought of dedicating a practice to someone I love.  Most of the times, I dedicate it to myself and the health I've regained in my life.  However, that day, I dedicated my practice to someone I love dearly, my BFF.  Giving the intention to someone other than myself made the whole practice more meaningful and I found myself capable of pushing my body beyond what I thought was my limit...  For my BFF.  I suppose this is a lot like praying.  Bikram doesn't ask for any intentions at the beginning of the class.  I'm not even sure if it's allowed. 
4. Rules.  There are so many damn rigid rules in Bikram.  Don't sit down!  Don't drink water!  Don't talk!  Don't open your fingers! 
5. Ambiance.  Those lights!  Grrr... Nearly every kitchen in NYC (well, in the crappy flats we all live in) have those damn fluorescent lights that sting my eyes.  I hate these lights with a passion.  I get it, in 110 F degree room, these lights are probably preventing more black-outs.  No music either.  I like a little Sade, Matisayu, Jill Scott during my practice.  I wonder though, if music was played in Bikram sessions what we would be listening to?  I feel like it'd be something rigid like the Russian national anthem.  Pass.  And what's wrong with a little incense before a new class? 

Overall, I'm down with hot yoga maybe not necessarily Bikram.  What's the point of all those Bikram rules if you can just practice Bikram-style yoga at an un-franchised yoga studio? 

3 is the magic number.  Like the time I tried durian (3 times to make up my mind, yup, this is the most vile thing I've ever tasted in my life), I feel as though I need to give Bikram at a proper Bikram studio one last chance.  However, I'm going to wait it out until I meet someone who raves about his Bikram teacher and drags me to toward the shockingly blinding fluorescent lights.